We're Back!

Somebody enjoyed their vacation. He really did. He was as happy as ever and when he got tired, he tanked out on mom...or dad. Last week we did our annual family vacation, which means we don't go very far and eat good food. We hit Lagoon, The Days of '47 parade, the Children's Museum, the exhibit at the UMFA (if you go, get a sitter. Live and learn my friends, live and learn), and I did a lot of shopping. Anyway, it's good to be back.

Oh the Horror!

So, this photo is mainly for my mom and sister who've asked to see my new hair-do. The last time I was at the stylist I was in a "Go Big or Go Home" sorta mood. Also, you can see my new pretty blue kitchen in the background. All of that is well and fine, except, I am not sure if you noticed or not, but I have a huge splotch of powder on my nose. I am willing to bet that nine times out of ten this is how I leave the house....seriously.

Just Doing My Job...

Gracie: When Jared grows up he's going to be a doctor and he's going to help all the people feel better and give them medicine.

Me: Oh really, that sounds great. What do you want to do when you grow up?

Gracie: Play in a band.

Oh man, I laughed out loud for twenty minutes. Of all the things that might prove Gracie is my daughter, this might be the very best. Who knows, maybe she'll actually play real live drums that exist in some place besides her head. I also truly appreciate how she made Jared want to be the doctor.

(The above photos is of Gracie with her piano. She's currently trying master "Itsy bitsy spider".

I Need a Nap...

In a fit of mad rage I just ate a plateful of semi-stale tortilla chips drenched with cheese and sour cream. I now feel blech. I blame my behavior on my ever increasing sleep deficit. That's right. Jared is slowly decreasing the number of hours he sleeps as opposed to increasing. I am beginning to feel like we are back in the newborn stage. As a result, I am starting to scare myself with my ever increasing scatter brainess. Please consult the following.

1. After packing my kids into the car, I realize I have no keys. I thus unpack my kids, take them back into the store and find my keys sitting by the cash register. That made me feel sheepish. Imagine my horror when on my way out, I spot my day planner hanging out at the end of a counter. Sheesh.

2. Three weeks ago I bought a bunch of stuff for a church event I am planning. This week I go to organize my stuff only to realize I am missing most of the things I bought. That explains why I was at Wal-Mart at ten at night trying to avoid a knock-down drag out fight with the manager. I was just standing there trying to be nice and mild as she looked at the book that registered stuff left at the check out stand. She found my list of items, but proceeded to give me nasty looks and a five minute lecture about how I should've called the minute I noticed the bags missing. When I tried to explain that I just noticed the missing bags and rushed over, she cut me off and gave me more crusty looks. At this point I stopped talking. There was no point telling her I wasn't thrilled about taking bags of paint out my trunk the minute I got home. I eventually recovered all my missing items and stumbled out to car, once again horrified at myself.

3. Today at Target I couldn't find any sandals in a size 7 for my daughter. I feel certain there are 5 million girls Gracie's age roaming about the general area. This has nothing to do with my lack of sleep, but is adding to my frustration and needs to be mentioned.

4. Last night I WENT TO BED EARLY and SKIPPED "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE". This not only horrified myself, but Sean as well, who actually asked me if I was feeling okay.

5. On my recent vacation, my sister did an imitation of me. It included rubbing eyes and complaining about how tired she was. That is how I come off. Once again, I am horrified.

6. I haven't done my hair in three weeks. Not that this is new, but now it doesn't bother me whereas before it bothered me a little.

7. On a similar note, it was 4 o'clock in the afternoon before I realized I was wearing my glasses, had uncombed eyebrows and was wearing my pajama type outfit. I had just finished visiting three neighbors. HORRIFIED.

8. I am actually putting my old sweaty running shirts in the crib next to Jared hoping my smell will make him sleep longer. Now, he is horrified as well. Dear me.

There you have it. If you see a confused scraggly haired woman muttering to herself in front of the pop-tarts section of the grocery store, please call my husband. You'll find my cell phone on some random counter.

Need a Fancy Schmancy House?

My friend Tiffany needs to sell her home so she can move across the country. In order to make that happen she's asked the bloggin' world to help her out. So, do you know of anybody looking for a gorgeous house? Send them here. Also, if you advertise on your blog about her house and if the person that buys her house got referred from your blog, you'll win a $250 gift card to Amazon.com. Now who wouldn't want that?

Personally, I'm a big fan of the bedroom with the cool wall, the spectacular kitchen, and the t.v./playroom. It has a wonderful area for kids and toys.

Very Important Letters

Dear Mama Birds,

I wanted to drop you a note and let you know that I am on your side. I am not your enemy. I too am a mother and know that protecting your babies is muy important, but, once again, I am your friend. In fact, if you ever need me I will be there protecting your babies. Heck, if you and Mr. bird ever want some time alone I will sit for you (not on your nest of course as that would be the opposite of protecting your babies... you get my point.) Now, for the love of everything that is beautiful please stop trying to poke my eyes when I jog past you.

Love, innocent, friendly jogger

Dear Jared,

If someone were to feed me to my heart's content, wrap me up in a snuggly blankie and place me in a luscious, spacious bed, I would sleep for twelve days not twelve minutes.

Love, your mama.

Dear HGTV,

I just want you to know that I blame you for making me want to paint my house weird colors.

Love, constant viewer.

P.S. It's okay if you want me to have my own show. I'll totally do it. (Same goes for Food Network. Wait, they deserve their own letter.)

Dear Food Network,

I think I should have my own show. Paw shaw on those people trying out for their own show. You should hire me because I would spunky and humble as I don't know how to do anything. I would call my show "Autum the Amateur". I would be more than willing to wear my ribbon that my brownies won at the state fair. It was first place and I was 11. Like I said, I would be humble...

Love, wannabe baking goddess.

Dear Gracie,

Please read the letter I wrote to Jared.

Love, your mama.

Dear eye doctor,

Thank you for changing my prescription. I now realize that I was wandering around this big beautiful world totally and completely blind.

Love, the patient that you totally ripped off for contacts. Rebate and insurance...yeah whatever.

Dear June,

There are supposed to be a few days in the 80's. I need time to acclimate to change.

Love, still sweating

Dear Hair,

I grew you long so you could be sensual, beautiful and make me feel like a fairy maiden queen. Today you felt like a big nasty wool blanket covering my greasy scalp. You've got ten days to make me feel luscious or I'm taking a pair of scissors to you.

Love, 45 minutes to blow dry.

Dear reader,

I love you and can't believe you've made it this far.

Love, me.

These are for you...mom!

I thought you might enjoy a couple pictures of our very own, very tiny, Mr. Hollywood.