Don't sign me up...

Every season I get a brochure in my mail for community education courses. I have never taken one of these classes but that doesn't stop me from flipping through the entire thing, and pretending that I'm going to sign up for a class or two...or two hundred. There are so many things I would love to learn, so many hobbies and so many languages. There really isn't a class I wouldn't like...except for a few of these gems. My imagination will not be registering for any of the following offered classes.

1. Bobbin Lace.
Umm...not high on my list of crafts. I would have to wear lace before I learned how to make it. Good class, not for me.

2. Scrapbook Cards.
I've finally admitted to myself that scrap booking, and making cards from scrapbook stuff will never be within my skills. Instead I will enjoy the beautiful cards my friends make and send them sloppy handwritten notes in return. A gal needs to do what a gal needs to do.

3. Phlebotomy Certification
It would never happen.

4. Computer Keyboarding
I've already figured this one out.

5. Writing: Obituary Workshop
I could see myself taking this class to new levels, the likes of which they've never seen. I am sure my obituary would turn out to be nothing more than a fantastical pack of lies. I would get kicked out for sure.

6. (My favorite so far) Avoid Lunacy- Drive them Sane.
This is a class for couples and singles. I say if you are in a relationship that is driving you crazy, you may want to fore go this class and head straight to the mediation department.

7. Aquatics: Early Bird Run
Swimsuit and early morning? Wouldn't happen.

8. Medieval Swordsmanship Beginning
If you're really lucky, sometimes you can catch the medieval sword fighters at Sugarhouse Park. I love to watch and wonder what their real lives are like versus their fantasy lives. Not for me, but certainly for a lot of people.

9. Dog Obedience: Beginning
My fear of dogs is growing as I get older. My heart would stop if I went to this class.

10. (This really is a class) Forkbending.
I guess I can go and learn how to bend a fork with my mind. Right after this class I will strap on my hot pink superhero costume and patrol the streets for people manipulating stop lights with their minds.

11. Paganism, Witchcraft, Wicca
Living in Sugarhouse, I see enough of this stuff all ready. No need to take a class.

12. Stamp Camp.
Clever name...please see #2

13. Making and Using Blowtubes and Darts.
Umm...

So there you have it. Those are the classes that I will not be daydreaming about. In the meantime I will be daydreaming about learning 5 new languages, how to weld metal, and how to cook for a crowd.